Do parents think it is important to talk to their children about sex? What surprised us was the reluctance we received: Some found it distasteful, some were embarrassed, and some found it too personal. The reaction in itself was very educational for us, telling us the gap even within families to talk about sex.
Mother of two high school-aged children
I am sorry. I don’t feel comfortable answering that question. This is something very private, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss it openly.
Mother of a 14-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old son
I do think it’s important, but if I’m honest, I wish someone else would handle most of it. I do know that they get a lot of information from the internet, probably my son more. I’m not naïve; I’m sure he’s seen things I’d rather he hadn’t. But the truth is I don’t know how to handle it . My husband is also not very helpful and we both believe that the schools should be doing more of the explaining: proper sex education, clear information about bodies, consent, protection, etc. They’re trained and know the right language. I feel like I would simply be improvising, because these are things I never discussed with my parents at all. At home I try to keep the door open. With my son, I might say something vague like, “You know you can ask me or your father if you ever have questions about relationships or those things.” With my daughter, right now, it is less about sex than the changes in her body and boundaries about how she dresses and uses makeup. It is an important issue, and I know I need to be better, but I just keep hoping that the school counsellor or health teacher has done a better job than me.
Father of a 19-year-old daughter
This is a very important issue, but it is not my job! I feel like my wife and school should have prepared her while she was at home. Now she’s at university, and I know she’s dating and travelling with friends. I don’t need, or want to know, the details. I do worry, especially when I read about date rape drugs and girls being forced into something they don’t want to do. I am more comfortable talking to her about these things: being careful, feeling safe and protecting herself. But the actual sex stuff, no. As her dad, I feel my role is to make her feel safe and secure.
Mother of daughters aged 22 and 25
The education they received in school was basic biology. I think it was a one-hour class that talked about the mechanics of it all. As they went to an all-girls school, most of the talk was about puberty and menstruation. When they were getting ready to go to university in the UK, I sat down and talked to them about contraception. Now, when they come home, we speak more about their boyfriends, relationships and emotions . Your question makes me now wonder if I actually really understood the importance of sex education and should have paid more attention to it. I guess by now they have probably educated themselves!
Father of three sons who are 16, 18 and 20
We are a very male-dominated house, so I think it is easier to have what might otherwise be embarrassing conversations. You ask if this is important? Absolutely! I remember being their age and I know exactly how much “deep thinking” went into my decisions back then, which is to say, not much. So, I keep it simple. I tell the boys three things:
One, use protection, every single time. I’m not ready to be a granddad and none of them are ready to be dads. Two, if the girl is drunk or crying or quiet, the answer is no. Full stop. Three: they need to respect themselves and not treat sex like a game to win or a scoreboard to fill.
I try to mix in some humour, because if I get too serious, they don’t listen. I’ll say things like, “Condoms are cheaper than nappies and lawyers,” and they groan and tell me to stop talking. But I know they are listening. They roll their eyes and walk away. But I’m pretty sure the message is in there somewhere. For now, I’ll take that.
Mother of a 16-year-old daughter
I’m not very good at this, to be honest. I still go red just saying the word “sex” out loud . I grew up in a Christian home where the message was basically “wait until marriage,” and that was it. No explanations, no questions. Part of me still believes that sex is something special. It is meant for a committed relationship, ideally in marriage. But quite frankly, the modern world is not the same, and I know just saying “don’t” is not enough anymore. With my daughter, I’m trying to be a little braver than my parents were , even if I feel clumsy. I do talk about our faith. I believe that she should protect her heart and her body. Sometimes I’ll use a TV show as an excuse and say, “I hope you know you don’t have to rush into anything just because everyone seems to be doing it.” Or I’ll tell her, “If you ever have questions, even if you think I’ll be shocked, I’d rather you ask me than Google.” So far, nothing!
Mother of a 23-year-old daughter and a 25-year-old son
I consider both my children adults now, and we don’t sit down for formal “talks” anymore. When they were younger, we spoke about sex and puberty in general. I also sent them both to outside health-focused sex ed classes, so that if they had a specific question which they needed to have answered, it could still be done professionally. Having open conversations is important to me, and even now, we talk about relationships, intimacy, faithfulness and even heartbreak. Early on, I focused more on health and consent. Now the emphasis is on character. I’ve told them both that the way they treat partners, especially during break-ups, shapes who they are. It matters how they communicate and how they treat people. I believe that sex is a private act, but with social values . As a parent, I think my role has evolved: from giving basic information, to modelling respect in my own relationships, to being a sounding board when they face moral grey areas. So yes, it’s important, but not as a single, dramatic conversation. It’s important as a thread running through years of how we talk about bodies, gender, dignity and responsibility.
Father of three daughters who are 8, 10 and 12
I really believe that sex education is something that shapes a child’s entire life . While I might not always be the one to bring this topic up out of the blue, I’m certainly not going to shy away from it if the opportunity arises. I try to keep the conversation open and straightforward.
Recently, the TV drama Themis was about an underage student who had a relationship with her piano teacher and ended up pregnant. I do sit down and have a proper chat with my kids about it. I want them to understand the consequences. At the end of the day, it’s all about helping them build a strong sense of self-protection.
After I found out about this interview last week, I actually asked my youngest daughter what she knew about “where babies come from.” It turns out the schools are already covering the basics in their General Studies classes. As for the social side of things, like dating, I’ve told my girls they should wait until university at least. At the moment, they just laugh and tell me boys are “gross” and that they’re never getting married!
I try to be relaxed when talking about these topics. Sometimes when I’m on my phone, and a photo of a pretty woman pops up, my daughters will tease me and shout, “Look, Dad’s looking at pretty girls!” I just take it in my stride and tell them, “Well, it’s only natural for men to appreciate beautiful things.” It’s those little, easy-going moments that really help build a bridge of trust between us.
Mother of a 10-year-old daughter
Sex education is absolutely vital. If my girl doesn’t understand sexual boundaries, she might not even realise if someone is harming or manipulating her. Beyond safety, sex is an unavoidable part of growing up. It’s also a matter of honesty; her very existence is the result of the love between her parents and the intimacy we shared. You can’t really hide that from a child when they start asking where they came from.
However, talking about it is far from easy. At 10, children often know “bits and pieces” from social media or friends, which leads to a lot of giggling and jokes. It’s a difficult balance: if I’m too serious, it feels overly heavy; if I’m too relaxed, she might think it’s just a joke and not take it seriously. While discussing physiological changes like menstruation or the need for a bra is manageable, explaining sexual intercourse feels incredibly awkward because it’s so personal.
I’ve noticed a real gap between school education and reality. Schools in Hong Kong are quite academic; they cover the “how” of reproduction but fail to address the “street knowledge” kids encounter. For instance, my daughter once received a WhatsApp image of a naked man. While I blocked it for security, we didn’t deeply address the “why” of her laughter or the disrespectful way sex is often portrayed online. Schools tend to stop the conversation at the joke, which doesn’t actually help children process what they’ve seen.
The biggest challenge in sex education is the moral complexity of the modern world . Schools teach a very “textbook” view of relationships, usually focused on marriage and single partners. But in reality, children see divorce, cohabitation, and dating after separation. When what they see at home or in society contradicts the model answers they hear in class, they get confused. Schools are often too conservative to navigate these controversies, leaving parents to handle the heavy lifting. Ultimately, sex education isn’t just about biology; it’s about personal beliefs and values. Many parents still find it “improper” to discuss, but we have to find a way to bridge that gap.
Mother of three children, who are 7, 10 and 12
I don’t normally bring up this topic. Usually, the conversation starts when they study General Studies, or when they hit puberty and start noticing classmates they “like.” When these topics arise, I try to shift the focus toward a values-based approach to love and relationships. Rather than just reciting biological facts, I talk to them about what love actually looks like. I don’t set a specific age for when they are “allowed” to date; instead, I tell them that to love someone else, you must first understand who you are.
Of course, it isn’t always easy. My younger child might say something sweet but naive, like, “I love my sister so much, can I marry her?” I have to gently explain that while love is beautiful, marriage is a different kind of commitment. With my teenager, it’s trickier. There is a definite sense of awkwardness; she’ll often roll her eyes and say, “Yeah, I know, I get it.”
Many parents take a fear-based approach, simply telling their kids, “don’t do it.” But I believe that if a child understands that intimacy carries a responsibility, they are less likely to act on impulse. Ultimately, while our traditional culture makes these topics feel taboo. I may still feel a bit of embarrassment when the word “intercourse” comes up, but if they ask, I will always answer .
Mother of a 13-year-old son
Yes, it is very important and something we have to talk about with our son, especially as kids nowadays have access to information on WhatsApp channels, YouTube, and Netflix. Even though my son does not search for this kind of information, his classmates may talk about it.
In fact, I once secretly checked my son’s WhatsApp while he was taking a shower, and I saw that a girl, one year younger than him, asked if he knew what “make love” meant. Girls nowadays are quite open and straightforward, and they tend to mature earlier than boys. Also, a boy who is two years younger once asked him what “flirting” means. I can see that kids are very curious about sex and relationships.
But as a mother, it is difficult and embarrassing for me to talk about sex with my son. I also think that boys think very differently from girls. As a female who studied in a girls’ school for 13 years, I don’t really know what or how boys think. I believe this should be my husband’s or the school’s job.
I heard from a social worker that when boys have hair on their legs, it symbolises a stage of puberty, and they may start to develop sexual desire. I am keeping an eye on my son’s legs and will instruct my husband to talk to him about sex when he reaches that stage.
Mother of a 14-year-old boy
Yes, people need to know this. But I feel that talking about it just puts ideas in children’s heads and might encourage them to try things before they’re ready. So, when the time comes, we’ll see. ■