by Kirsten Choi
By facing the stage she once feared, Kirsten learns that courage grows each time she chooses to step forward and learn.
Two years ago, when I was in Form 1, I shook violently, panting as my thoughts spiralled and came out of my mouth with no direction at all. Below me were all my peers, silently observing, expecting aggressive arguments and thought-provoking speeches. But instead, what they got was endless stuttering, blank moments of silence, and absolute gobbledygook. And yes, this ends with the classic “messed up and cried about it.” This has been officially declared as my worst debate experience.
I was a very self-conscious teen who was submerged in self-doubt, convincing myself that I was untalented with no potential. This has made me tell myself whenever an opportunity arose, “Well, that’s way too scary for me.” Because of this, I sabotaged my own development. Many of my peers and mentors saw huge potential in me, pointing out my solid foundation in creative and speech writing, storytelling and even acting. Yet I let the idea of being “scared” suffocate me, completely clouding my mind and self-confidence.
Later, when I was invited to join a public speaking programme at school, I once again thought: “That’s way too scary for me.” But since my teacher kept insisting, or in other words, forcing me to try, I had no choice. The first few workshops were total nightmares. I kept repeating the same ideas during impromptu speeches, I shook at every turn, and most cleverly (or so I thought), I avoided speaking at all.
This went on until one day, one of the mentors gave a workshop on how to appear confident on stage. He told us to think of every speech as a practice, an opportunity to learn, so that we can focus on our own performance and think of ways to do better. “Fear is only something you tell yourself,” he said.
“To conquer it, just don’t tell yourself you’re scared; instead, tell yourself that you’re a confident speaker who’s ready to learn.”
This was exactly me! I realised that fear was what I was telling myself, instead of focusing on personal growth.
Very often, we tell ourselves that we are either unsuitable or lack potential in activities that interest us. This is not uncommon, because exploring new areas is like diving into an ocean with no gear at all. You have no idea what to do, where to start or which direction to go. That kind of puzzlement leaves us helpless, confused, and frustrated. So, we start to find activities “scary,” letting fear take over our autonomy.
Nelson Mandela once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” As long as you don’t dwell on fear too much, it won’t overwhelm you. The triumph of fear is the happiness you find at the end of the experience, which gives you courage, makes you confident and prepared for every opportunity.
The most important part of conquering fear is taking your first step. If we’re honest, no one is going to judge you for being a beginner but will encourage you to grow. There really is no reason to fear. It is about breaking out of your comfort zone, taking the first step and really, having few expectations.
This is what I have learnt. Fear is just an imaginary thing that stops you from starting a journey. Never facing fears hinders growth and prevents us from being who we are meant to be. Even Adele, the British singer, started off with severe stage fright and anxiety about performing on stage. She said she relied on the familiarity of her songs and, most importantly, her connection with the audience to calm herself.
So, my advice is, if there’s something you have always wanted to try, but were concerned it was out of your league, impossible, or scary, take a moment to look around, take a deep breath and go for it. Don’t stay in your bubble made from thick layers of imaginary fear. Your fate is in your hands. ■
Kirsten Choi is a student from Ying Wa Girls’ School who is passionate about writing and public speaking. She believes that words connect people and act as the strongest form of communication. When she’s not writing or doing public speaking, she enjoys shopping and going to the beach.