//16.4 Youth Space: Women
by Sahana Singh
“If I want to define myself, I first have to say, “I am a woman”; all other assertions will arise from this basic truth. A man never begins by positing himself as an individual of a certain sex: that he is a man is obvious.”― Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex
I love and hate finding problems that I cannot answer. Leaving one more un-scratchable itch in the back of my mind as I realise I will forever be someone who questions things I am not capable of solving. I’m not delusional enough to fancy myself a philosopher. There are beliefs I used to hold that now make me cringe. There are others, ridiculously unqualified, on complicated topics, that I have held since I was 12, and refuse to change. Maybe I do think I’m enlightened, but name a teenager who doesn’t.
There is one question on which I have spent much time and which I cannot solve and it is this: “Should women be treated for their humanity or their womanhood?” I am not entirely sure I want to know the answer; I’m just upset that I need to ask the question in the first place.
Let me explain. Why is it, that a rivalry between two women is somehow a tear in the fabric of feminism? Every issue faced by a woman is a “female issue.” The “if a man did it” game might be simplistic, but I do think it accurately points out what are obvious double standards in many scenarios. Why can things that men do be simple, just that, things that they do? A fight between two men is never treated as indicative of the end of brotherhood. However, flip the gender and you can see how it is never that easy.
Feminists are concerned when two women are pitted against each other. Why do so many believe that women are each other’s worst enemies, when a sour expression aimed at another woman leads to perceptions of shrewish behaviour? Maybe it’s an act of protection, from how society sees women, but doesn’t that do harm to them as individuals? Does that not remove them from their humanity?
A mistress is called a liar if she considers herself feminist; she’s not a “girls’ girl” and is labelled a “bad person.” However, the male counterpart (funny how there isn’t a gender specific term for it), is nothing more than just a bad person, not a traitor to manhood. Of course, there are layers to unfaithfulness, like disregarding the other woman’s feelings and the hurt it causes; but is it specifically anti-feminist? The crime seems to always intensify when committed by a woman against another. Is this policing of female interactions a protective method to prevent the misogynistic misinterpretation of women’s actions? Or is it another one of society’s harsher consequences for moral misdemeanours when they are committed by a woman?
“Should women be treated for their humanity or their womanhood?”
For my generation, the cries of “Don’t forget Ariana’s a homewrecker!” “Don’t forget Taylor released a new variant on another female artist’s release day!” “She is NOT a girls’ girl!” “She has mean girl vibes…” are said in a similar tone it seems, as calling out a male star as a rapist or domestic abuser. While the harm of an action is not negated by comparing it to a worse one, when the two people involved are women, the situation gets blown into something much bigger than it might have been if they weren’t. Why aren’t women allowed to be human beings who do bad things, without it being an issue for womanhood as a whole? Why can’t a woman have a problem with another woman without it being treated like it’s detrimental to the entire feminist cause? We might only participate in the finger-pointing of supposed “bad” feminists because we’re afraid of playing into the stereotype of women being catty and malicious. But isn’t that fear causing the exponential growth in reasonings people use to demean women and hold them to double standards?
I doubt that I can come up with any answers. Maybe I don’t want to, I just wish I didn’t have to ask the questions. ■
Sahana enjoys reading and writing about current events, internet phenomena, and media, as well as exploring the myriad thoughts that constantly run through her head.