The Family Factor

The causes of juvenile crime are often complicated, and family support plays a crucial role in mitigating the risks. To understand the story behind the scene, we interviewed parents whose children have been involved in crimes.

“I became a more involved parent.”

— Jeremy’s mother

From her perspective, Jeremy’s mother recounts the same story her son talks about. Jeremy, as the only child in the family, was pampered and doted on from a young age, according to his mother. After an incident led to his class reassignment in secondary school, he gradually drifted apart from his old classmates. This disconnection made him lose interest in school, and he began associating with the wrong crowd outside of school.

At home, he seldom talked to his parents and during the pandemic, his father only returned home every six months. His family found it increasingly difficult to manage his behaviour. It was only after Jeremy got into serious trouble that his parents resolved to change their parenting approach.

“Jeremy is a smart but sensitive child. When he got into trouble, we didn’t scold him harshly or blame each other,” his mother recounted. “Instead, I started to be a more involved parent, accompanying him everywhere in the hopes of spending more time together.”

She began to adapt to Jeremy’s way of communication, developing a concise and effective communication style. By using brief and clear sentences instead of lengthy lectures, she gradually built a bridge for effective communication with her son.

During Jeremy’s time in the juvenile centre, his mother visited him daily, making these visits their most communicative moments. “In these three months, I could truly feel his growth,” she said. “He not only started to be willing to share his daily experiences but also occasionally reflected on his mistakes. With the guidance of social workers and correctional officers, he began to think about his future. Now I feel hopeful and am encouraged to plan for his future together.”

Having supported her son through his transformative journey, she believes that parents must maintain firm boundaries when disciplining their children. They should not give up when initial efforts seem ineffective, nor allow their children to stray down the wrong path. Moreover, family members should support each other and find a way of interacting that makes everyone comfortable. This approach ensures that every family member can open up and listen to each other’s needs.

“We should communicate with them as friends, not as parents.”

— Helen

Two years ago, Helen’s son was convicted of fraud. After her son’s arrest, she felt angry and heartbroken. “My whole world had collapsed. I began to doubt whether this was real or just a dream. I felt immense guilt, wondering if I had been too focused on work and neglected my child,” she said. Fortunately, she first encountered social workers, who approached the family as a case, addressing both parental guidance and the youth’s behavioural issues through individual interviews.

Helen’s family consists of four members: father, mother, older brother, and younger brother. Their communication style at home involves everyone minding their own business, with the two sons occasionally chatting among themselves or with their mother only when they want to talk. However, the father tends to interrupt conversations with criticism, according to Helen, so the children speak less with him.

With the help of social workers, she managed to rebuild her confidence and communication skills. “I believe communication should occur in a quiet environment, perhaps over a meal they enjoy,” she said. “I vividly remember one time we walked home along the harbour after dinner, chatting along the way. We could only talk when the mood was right.” She added. “Parents should not communicate with their children as elders but rather as friends to listen to their thoughts.” When face-to-face communication proved ineffective, she tried writing letters, which she found very effective.

She believes the family’s role should be to provide a harmonious and relaxed environment, giving children the space they need. If they find the home noisy and bothersome, they may seek solace outside. Conversations should be brief, offering affirmation, appreciation, and encouragement without fixating on their shortcomings.

“One thing the social worker said I will never forget: When a son misbehaves, it’s like he’s standing at the door. If you scold him, he will leave and not return. So, no matter how angry I am, I must accept that this is my child. There’s no way around it.”

She advised parents going through similar experiences to communicate concisely, think before speaking, and avoid lengthy lectures. If problems arise, consulting professionals, such as social workers, can help in learning appropriate communication methods. “At the end of the day, we still need to provide them with food, make them soup, and show them the love and care of family.” ■

Please note that the names of the interviewees mentioned are fictional and have been created solely for the purpose of protecting their privacy and identity.